This Thursday's Program: 
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June 3rd:  American Red Cross/Rotary "Preparing for the Unexpected"

When smiling MARLIS MCALLISTER greeted Rotarians to their weekly meeting, she didn’t realize it was prime time for amateur Rotarians to spoof themselves and other Rotarians.

LEE LYNCH collected money for the questionable talent show and fortunately no one asked for his or her money back when they left the Garden House with a smirk on their face. 

Call it “The SAM PESNER Talent Show” that resembled the Gong Show in the late 1970s only there was no Gong.  Only the shepherd’s hook, which Sam declined to exercise when confronted with dubious talent.  

The program was fast-paced and also included Rotary business between dubious talented performer’s acts; those of us who were remarkably brave to stand in front of their fellow Rotarians and sing, play an instrument of choice, or recite a classic tale in another language.

If there was anything missing in this polite audience, it was the absence of hecklers and a stand-up comedian.  Even American Idol receives unwanted audience participation looking for long term value in retold jokes.

As the day’s program commenced, Grandfather JOHN MOSS had just returned from Australia to lead us in the flag salute. As a proud new grandfather, we can expect to see more of John’s hidden talents in the coming Rotary year as our incoming President. 

GINNY LEAR’S thought for the day was simple as she talked about service above self.  With the coming weekend Art & Wine Show, Rotarians will give up what they normally do on busy weekends and give it to the Rotary Club to provide a successful show.

Judy Hanneman was the only visiting Rotarian while Rotarians with guests were JACK KELLY, SAM PESNER, and MEG SOLERA.

JOHN MOSS revealed a Rotary banner he received from the Brookvale, Australian Rotary he visited that was just down the road.

“Their Rotary is much smaller, but they serve wine and beer at their meetings,” John said.

Pres. SAM reminded all Rotarians when they work in a beverage booth at the show and sample the goodies, they should pay for them. Nothing is free if you want to have a healthy financial Rotary show.

Starting the announcement period, MEG SOLERA asked Rotarians to dine at Chevy’s on May 22^nd for a fund raising event for the Los Altos High School.  Chevy’s will donate 25 percent of the proceeds for fundraising while the dining time is 11:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. and it’s Chevy’s way of giving back to the community.

BOB ADAMS reminded Rotarians the golf tournament at Shoreline will be held June 8.  Dinner will be served at MEL KAHN’S home.

MIKE STADLEN said the staffing for this weekend’s Art and Wine Event was in good shape, but there were still 12 shifts open to be filled. The fine master will accommodate Rotarians fined in lieu of paying the fine so they can volunteer for one of those 12 slots.

It wasn’t supposed to be part of the talent show, but MATT CABOT went through a long extensive interpretation on how the Rotary website works. Using a slideshow analogy of taking a trip by auto and entering tollbooths, he provided an elementary approach without any reference to AOL or reliable Apple Macintosh computers, which this piece is being written on.

Using a Mosaic computer approach and removing all the porn website applications (Groaning in the audience) Matt resorted to the most important applications on the Rotary Website with pull downs.

“In reading the Rotator, when you see a picture and click on it you can get the name of the person in the photo. If you double click on the picture you will get a larger picture,” Matt said. “Look for links that are in a different color and it will provide you with information that isn’t mentioned in the newsletter.”

Matt continued with information that there are more than 300 Rotators on file and you should refer to the year the Rotary president was in office to find the requested Rotator.

“If you are a new Rotarian, you can go back to read every single Rotator written since 1949 “ Matt said, as the house lights blinked and the audience moaned over such an obnoxious thought.

The first talent on the “big show” was BRUCE CANN playing Australian songs in honor of JOHN MOSS’ return to reality.

Playing on a piano out of tune and pounding the ivories and singing, Bruce sang

“Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda,
You’ll come waltzing with me.”

And not to be outdone with a one-song delivery, Bruce went into another ditty about a war airplane during World War II that was “Comin’ in on a wing and a Prayer.” Then he finished with a Gong Show representation of “Tomorrow is a Lovely Day.”   But wait -  Bruce had another teaser and provided:

“Marzie-doats and dozie doets and liddle lamzy divey, a kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?”

Bruce didn’t mention it, but Marzie doats was played on television constantly in “All in the Family” as he silently returned to his seat in the audience. Oh those were the days during the 1940s and 1950s.

Fine master of the day, DAN O’DONNELL, wasn’t part of the talent show but should have been. He did extract a couple of bucks for the club’s money pot as Rotarians were jumping up and down to join the club and become a Poobah.

MEG SOLERA joined because her daughter was admitted to Duke University.

MARLIS MCALISTER joined because her son went 3 for 3 in a baseball game. His athletic talent allowed him to get his first two hits right handed and the third hit left-handed.

MATT CABOT joined the Poobah Club because his younger son Michael, received an award for a cell phone application and the older son, Mathew took a new job at San Jose State as Assistant Professor of Communications.

MONA ARMISTEAD joined the Poobah Club because she is going on a 2-week trip to China to climb the Great Wall and swim in the Yangtze River.

ALLART LIGTENBERG joined the Poobah Club for different reasons that he didn’t mention.

IRENE PRESTON was only fined $30 because she was going to Germany for a sweet 2-week trip to seek, taste, and to evaluate chocolate for her candy kitchen.

Other $30 fines were given to JERRY MOISON for his article in the Town Crier and ROY JONES for the picture of his wife Maureen, on the cover of Luxury Magazine.

When the talent portion of the program continued a trio of singers, JOHN SYLVESTER, SETH MANNING AND RICK GLAZE sang a stupid song about the “Sloop Sam P”

“We came on the Sloop Sam P
These rough necks and me
Around Los Altos Town we did roam
Drinking all night and looking for Ms. Right
We feel so broke up
We want to go home.”

Seth wrote the song and e-mailed it to his partners and they never practiced. When they finished they agreed it was the worst song they ever sung. Oh PESNER, where was the gong? We want to go homeeeee!

JEANNE MacVICAR made the talent show worthwhile with her version of “Cinderella” recited with a variety of mispronounced words and interchanged letters. Titled “Prinderella,” Jeanne kept the house laughing and chuckling over their iced tea. With a little exaggeration of the basic plot that included her “sisty uglers” Jeanne won the fiction prize with the largest audience applause.

“I don’t read music”, BOB ADAMS stepped up to the piano and pounded out “Pachelbel” on the black and white 88s. The German composer wrote the secular music piece in the 1600s.  And after having 2 ½ years of piano practice, Bob made the usual mistakes that are heard amateur night at Ridgemont High. He was surprisingly good and received some hearty applause for trying.

SAM PESNER took the stage and played a classical guitar piece called “Asturias.” Playing a true classical piece with no vocal, Sam surprised the audience with his ability. As Sam said, “It takes a big heart to do this.”  We agree Sam; classical guitar isn’t the easiest to play in front of an audience that expects humor from you.

DICK DUHRING closed the amateur talent show with a request to SAM.

“If you want me to play the piano as an amateur, you won’t have to tell a joke.”

Dick proceeded to the stage and played a musical genre from the early 1900s entitled “Ragtime”, made famous by composer/pianist, Scott Joplin.

Dick surprised us with the swing of ragtime.  Then he closed with:

“Five foot two, eyes of blue,
But ‘Oh’ what those five-foot could do!
Has anybody seen my gal?”

Nice going Dick. I bet you could be fun at a singles party.

This is no Joke?
When you read the Rotator you can find things that are not mentioned during the meeting. How true because everybody left the meeting dejected thinking there was no humorous story from SAM PESNER.  However you can read his story here now without clicking on a link.

“Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.  He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies—two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly--Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.  A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask-- Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."